Struggling to be thankful this Holiday season
I know that I have a lot to be thankful for, but with 2020 and the coronavirus (COVID-19) I seem to struggle to be thankful.
This year is one for the record books, not just for me, but for all of us. We've all had our share of ups and downs. I've always tried to look for the silver lining in the challenges we face, but this year my family didn't just face a challenge.
We were hit hard. We were hit in our hearts when we lost my father to COVID-19.
How can I be thankful when a huge part of my family, of me is gone? Never to return; never to complete us.
Where do I start to be thankful? How do I be happy for the smaller blessings when the biggest prayer of my life wasn't granted?
Don't get me wrong. I'm not questioning my faith in God and in Jesus Christ.
Every place I go, everything I do reminds me of my father. Just thinking of him makes me tear up. Being at home is not a refuge for me because he's not around.
I know several families who have lost someone to this virus and I also know people who have lost a loved one not related to COVID-19. How a person ends their life with us affects us no matter what.
I constantly feel like I'm in a revolving circle of pain that no one can fix, but I don't have the luxury of hiding away from the world.
There are two teenagers at home that I have to push forward for. I have my mother, my siblings and their spouses, my nieces and nephews. We all hurt from this loss. Nothing can change that. There will forever be a void where my father once stood.
At this point the silver linings I look forward to are my friends, my spiritual family, my career and my community.
I am thankful, in a small way, for the life that I have been given. For the strong woman I am today because of the life that has led me here. Everyday I take a breath, wash my tears away and stand straight in knowing that there is a lot in my life to say I'm blessed.
Death is a part of life.
We will all have someone missing at our Thanksgiving table and I pray that God gets us through this time.
Thanksgiving is a day to be thinking about our blessings. I have to remember that I'm still blessed because with this loss, I have seen myself grow and my priorities have changed.
I wish everyone the best of holidays. I hope and pray that this pandemic ends soon. I pray that we live in the moment and that everyday we make new memories while we remember those we lost.